““I want to feel you,” he says greedily against my mouth”

Dude, you’ve already eaten her.

(In all seriousness, this is awkwardly placed, since you’ve just spent half a chapter on how she’s not allowed to touch him. Way to double up on making him look like a douchebag!)

“[I’m] consuming him, relishing the feel of his tongue against mine. And he’s the same, devouring me.”

Wow. This turned into vore very quickly. I’m almost impressed. Almost.

lishadra asked:

WHY is it even an "ordeal"?? You are coloring on him! That isn't an ordeal!

I think it’s meant to be an ordeal from his perspective, because he doesn’t like being touched and he’s having to think about it? IDK, I can kind of get it.

SUMMARY: Chapter 5 (50 Shades Darker)

Previously, on Fifty Shades Theatre: Christian’s crazy ex is stalking Ana, and Christian is stalking his crazy ex, so I guess it balances out. Christian took Ana to a beauty salon he owns, where he met a woman. Ana, using her astonishing psychic powers, just knew that this was his ephebophilic ex, “Mrs Robinson”.

NOW READ ON.

Read More

“He twists, letting out a boyish laugh filled with relief that the ordeal is over.”

Once again, that is a thing that does not need telling.

I mean, firstly, you have no way to know that’s why he’s more relieved except conjuncture. And secondly, that conjecture is one the audience can easily make.

EDITOR!

“I squeal with childish delight and catapult myself into his arms, knocking him flat.”

- Ah, yes. Lead into yet another sex scene with a reminder of just how fucking infantile she is. A sterling choice, if I may say so, madam.

Anonymous asked:

I'm sure you get this a lot, but in case you don't: I'm really fucking happy I'm following you.

I… don’t, actually. And I have to say, I’ve not have the best day, and messages like these are brilliant to get even at the best of times, so right now this just about brought me to tears.

Thank you, anon. I hope it doesn’t go downhill from here.

image

Couldn't those small, round scars also be from chicken pocks or something? Especially since little kids have a bad habit of scratching at themselves if they itch? I have a scar on the inside of my leg from scratching it on a recliner that had the feet rest thing up. I've had it for years. Fact is, she has no idea what those scars are actually from.

Yeah. Yeeeeah. I’m still going with acne scars, personally, because the idea of Christian Grey as a spotty teenager with greasy hair is disproportionately amusing to me.

But yeah, she only has his vaguely-hinted word that they’re anything else. Although don’t forget, she does have that psychic power to know things that are plot-relevant! So I don’t doubt she’s right.

“I restrain myself and gaze at him in wonder.”

Again with the gazing, and again with the completely unreasonable amazement. Seriously, dude, he’s shirtless and covered in lipstick; given the history you two have together, this should not be cause for amazement or awe.

Just laughter. Seriously, can’t get over how ridiculous this whole thing sounds.

concertoinc4 asked:

Speaking of stories that don't treat sensitive subjects carefully, I was furious with the first Night World book. To sum up, a girl has terminal cancer and gets turned into a vampire, but it felt a little like an excuse so that she could be with her vampire bf. It was a punch to the gut because I'd just lost a friend to cancer. Having seen what it did to his parents, how could they use this magnitude of suffering in the name of a teen romance? It wasn't as bad as 50sog, but it still felt wrong.

Oh. Oh, wow, that is… shit.

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that they didn’t treat it particularly sensitively either? Because, like… I can see why you might write that as a method of coping if you were struggling with that issue yourself - like, if you or someone you loved had cancer, I can see why you might want to construct a fantasy where there was a magical solution - but this oesn’t sound like that’s the case. And if it is just a plot point to get her turned into a vamp, that seems pretty dodgy to me, too.

(Also, I’m sorry about your friend. Even if it was a long time ago - and obviously idk if it was - that’s awful. Have hugs.)

“I have to fight the overwhelming need to kiss each one and stop the tears pooling in my eyes.”

So are you saying that you’re not going to try and stop the tears pooling in your eyes, or that kissing each scar will stop the tears pooling in your eyes?

Because either way, I’m pretty sure that’s not what you set out to say. This is why sentence structure is important.

Anonymous asked:

As someone who has both been abused and written abused fictional characters, I don't mind it at all in fiction - if it's handled well and is relevant to the plot (like Jack Torrance in The Shining). What pisses me off is when it isn't explored or discussed at all in the narrative, but is thrown in as a piss-poor excuse for the author's Sue to wangst, act holier than thou, or behave like an asshole without repercussions. It's lazy writing & it's offensive too.

Basically. Unfortunately, in this case it is definitely the latter; the only way Christian’s abuse plays into the story is as a blanket excuse for being a douchebag.

Abuse, like other serious subjects, can and should be written into fiction - but only if you’re willing to put in the time, effort, and research to do so sensitively and for a reason. If it actually affects the character/story/setting, if it’s treated with due concern for the real-life victims of those situations, if it’s not just a bonus thing to wangst about, by all means write abuse (or rape, or bereavement, or disability, etc etc ad infinitum). If not, shit no, that is offensive as balls.

…more offensive than balls, actually. At least balls are entertaining.

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Tearing apart the fastest-selling series ever, one kinkshaming, poorly-worded, unintentionally hilarious line at a time.

This blog's OTP is Kate/Anastasia, and it fervently believes that Christian is secretly Batman. Or possibly Cyclops. Or Robin Thicke. Honestly, who knows? All I know is that I ever met him I'd be too busy kicking him in the balls to ask.

I try to be funny, but occasionally things are just mind-rendingly bad enough that I go into serious-rant mode. Trigger warnings throughout for rape, eating disorders, abuse, ungodly bad depiction of mental illness, and drug use. Among others. Also, I use gifs a lot, so this page is probably not epilepsy-safe.



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