““I don’t want to go to your place. I want to get my hair cut!” I shout. If I can just focus on this one thing …”

What one thing? Mrs Robinson? Him taking you to the wrong salon? The fact that you just said you wanted to skip the haircut and go home? Leila? Whether or not you’re Christian’s sub? Not wanting to go to his place?

Face it, Anastasia, never yet in this entire book have you managed to focus on just one thing, and that doesn’t look liable to change.

ispylemonpie asked:

Oh, no wait, I've just read the rest of your post. You picked up on the 'Secretary' thing, huh? Does it steal any scenes from that?

I can’t remember, mostly because I spent most of that film going EW NO NO EW SEXUAL ASSAULT AND PREYING ON THE MENTALLY ILL NOPE NOPE NOPE, but they definitely give off the same vibe. I feel like in general, she’s stolen characters from Twilight, plot (at least for the first book) and general themes from Secretary, and lines and scenes from Pretty Woman. (Although, also, Christian Grey favours Pretty Woman!Edward possibly the most of the three, even if he combines the sexually abusive sociopathy of the other two)

(Can you tell I’m not a fan of the genre?)

Okay, so I just started watching Pretty Woman (insomnia leads to me watching a lot of movies-that-really-aren’t-my-scene-but-are-cultural-milestones, which also explains why I haven’t seen it before)

and holy shit

E.L. James is not even a subtle plagiarist. Whole lines, whole scenes lifted wholesale. The ordering everything on the breakfast menu? Pretty Woman. The playing-piano-then-the-woman-comes-in-and-we-allude-to-tragic-past scene? Pretty Woman. Allusions to not enjoying the marvellous view? Pretty Woman.

So in conclusion, Christian Grey’s entire character, half his arc, and several of his lines are a blend of Edward from Twilight, Edward from Secretary, and Edward from Pretty Woman. Hey, what is with the name Edward in trashy romances, anyway?

Like, I can’t even focus on the film any more. So much stuff just keeps jumping out at me as stuff E.L. James blatantly plagiarised… and plagiarised from a seminal if not very good film, at that. Why does nobody tell me these things?

Anonymous asked:

Do you have/do you know of any type of masterlists that kind of summarize everything thats wrong with 50 Shades of Grey?

Um… not exactly. There’s this tag, which covers a lot of stuff but is several quite long posts. And there’s this post which has been dancing around on my dash, but is far from comprehensive and also I can’t find it right now. I’ll link it here later.

Just for you, though, I’ll give my best shot at writing a semi-comprehensive list. I’ll even fight my instinctive urge to have the list be one item long: “Literally Everything”. (No citations, though - I am a lazy person and it’s 11pm as I start writing this, sooooo…)

Read More

ashuri-sandaa asked:

How many Twilight/50 Shades puns have been made on this blog? And if not many, am I allowed to spread the horrible puns myself?

Not enough. Never enough.

Go forth, my dark minion*, and pollute the world with every Twishades pun you can possibly draw forth from the twisted recesses of your mind! Fly, my pretty! Fly! Ahahahaha!

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*terms and conditions apply. May not actually have signed Dark Minion Employment Contract or be a representative of EvilSnark PLC ltd (tm).

“The asshole shrink should have found that out.”

The asshole shrink shouldn’t have discharged a suicidal patient without putting her under observation or making a follow-up appointment.

Like, okay, the shrink should have found out that her lover died recently, that’s true. But I think your priorities about this guy’s failures should start a bit more basic, Christian, I really do.

charmed7293 asked:

I simply made a post on Facebook expressing my disgust over the fact that there's going to be a movie for this bullshit and now I have family members falling over themselves to defend it and acting like I don't know anything about anything. They ignored the fact that I said the abuse in it made me physically sick and were extremely condescending. Frankly, I feel really unsafe. I know that I am right, but could you give me some assurance and validation?

Assurance and validation? Well, sarcasm and bitterness is more my thing, but I’ll give it a try!

Okay, first off, yeah, you’re right. And I feel for you, believe me. People are shitty sometimes, and running this blog I’ve seen… well, honestly less of it than I’d have expected, but enough of that kind of response to turn my stomach. (My own family and friends are, I’m glad to say, pretty clear on the whole cycle of abuse thing, and actually, I’ve had some interesting conversations with my mum about this book - she’s a psychotherapist, and some of the analysis I did after finishing the first book was pretty much directly from conversations with her) I don’t know whether you’ve experienced abuse yourself - although obviously I hope not, because nobody should - but I know, as someone who’s experienced rape and abuse not dissimilar to some of the things in these books, that it’s hella hurtful when people jump in there to defend it.

What I will say, if it helps, is that (luckily!) a lot of the people who defend 50 Shades are defending it not because they would accept that behaviour in real life, but because it hasn’t occurred to them that fantasy is a reflection of, and a causative factor in, real people’s perceptions and actions. Obviously, that doesn’t make it okay, but I find it helpful to remember that being okay with fantasy abuse/rape/whatever does not mean that person will be substantially less supportive about real life abuse/rape/whatever.

Also, while you are again entirely right to criticise the book, it’s worth remembering that people are very defensive about things they like. In this society, we have such a habit of judging people for liking problematic media that a lot of the time it’s easier to just blinker yourself to the problematic elements than keep justifying to yourself and others why you like it anyway. (This is coming from a fan of Stephen King and Tolkien, and it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I can say “Yeah, they’re frequently racist and often kinda sexist but I like them anyway” rather than trying to argue to the last ounce of my strength that they’re just misunderstood) I guess what I’m saying is that people tend to take criticism of things they like really really personally in this culture, especially if it’s something they get off to.

Wow. This got long. Told you I wasn’t good at assurance and validation. Um, I guess what I’m trying to say is that you’re in the right here, and I do definitely see why it would make you feel unsafe, but that I suspect their responses have more to do with them than with you, and more to do with defensiveness than a lack of care. Hang on in there, hon, and keep fighting the good fight.

Um. Have a hug?

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“Leila left her husband about three months ago and ran off with a guy who was killed in a car accident four weeks ago.”

Aaaaand there we go! We have repetition! I repeat, we have repetition!

Anonymous asked:

I don't know if you've been asked this before but are you planning on going to the fifty shades of grey movie? Because I can just imagine you sitting there yelling hilariously snarky things to the screen while all the other people there swoon because abusive relationships are oh so romantic

No. And I’ll tell you for why: going to the cinema costs money. Money that I do not have, and which even if I did have I would not want to give to the franchise. Plus, for all that I’m a dick, I’m not about ruining experiences that other people have paid for. Do not go to see movies you know you’ll hate in the cinema, especially not to yell at them. There’s snark, and then there’s straight up douchebaggery; I try to stay in the former category as much as possible.

THAT SAID, I do fully intend to illegally download it as soon as possible, and I have roped my boyfriend (darael) and my sister (thedreadvampy) into agreeing to come visit me and watch it with me. We will film this booze-fuelled snarking session if at all possible, and share it with you.

(If it goes anything like that time we played a drinking game with the book, we may end up in A&E with alcohol poisoning. Which reminds me. At some point I really should finish editing that recording and put it up)

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Tearing apart the fastest-selling series ever, one kinkshaming, poorly-worded, unintentionally hilarious line at a time.

This blog's OTP is Kate/Anastasia, and it fervently believes that Christian is secretly Batman. Or possibly Cyclops. Or Robin Thicke. Honestly, who knows? All I know is that I ever met him I'd be too busy kicking him in the balls to ask.

I try to be funny, but occasionally things are just mind-rendingly bad enough that I go into serious-rant mode. Trigger warnings throughout for rape, eating disorders, abuse, ungodly bad depiction of mental illness, and drug use. Among others. Also, I use gifs a lot, so this page is probably not epilepsy-safe.



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